She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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