guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
