Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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