Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
