That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize