Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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