as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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