She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
