Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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