Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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