Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
