I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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