I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
