It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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