don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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