Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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