I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
