You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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