The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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