I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
