i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
