if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My breasts were aching with rage.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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