Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I will die if light touches me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
