you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
