i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
