Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
