How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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