How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize