I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
