She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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