Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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