I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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