then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
