I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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