I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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