so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
