new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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