the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
