Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize