I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Two words: nipple clamps
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