I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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