I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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