just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize