Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
