I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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