i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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