I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
