Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
