marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize