Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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