You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
