On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That accounts for only three of the penises
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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