I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
