I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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