Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
