Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
