you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
