The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
