College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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