It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
