she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
