You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
