You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
