Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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