I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
