Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
