awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
