So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
