I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
