Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
