I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
