Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
