the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
as a side note pls kill me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
