i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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