I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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