So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Don't make out with my wife yet
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
