I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
