3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
