pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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