Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
