If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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