Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
