I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
