Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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