so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
