Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've blown a few things in my day
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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