Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
