hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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