Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
