we're chasing vodka with high fives
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize