Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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