Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize