He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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