I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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