I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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