You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
