Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
