Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
