i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
