and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
