I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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