Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
