just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
