What did we do last night that was yellow?
Girls should come with a carfax report
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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