I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
