i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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