If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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