What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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