I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
