i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
