so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
