Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
