I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
