theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
