just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
