my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize