accomplished twins. life is a go
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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